So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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