After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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