he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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