You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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