So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
im on a boat
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