Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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