I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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