pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
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I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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