dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize