great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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