my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize