I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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