You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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