I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize