I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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