somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize