why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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