oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize