You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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