I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize