The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so let's talk penis.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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