When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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