I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
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I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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