Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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