so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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