put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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