Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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