Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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