my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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