last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize