either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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