I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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