i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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