The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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