My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I AM VODKA MAN
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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