Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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