I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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