the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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