the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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