she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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