can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize