He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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