Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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