C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
being pregnant is like rehab
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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