so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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