nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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