these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize