You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize