bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
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Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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