Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize